My husband and I have been back in Kansas for two months now. And what an emotional rollercoaster it has been…

The first three weeks consisted of lots of tears, second-guessing, and of course, cravings for Trenta pizza and Salt & Straw ice cream.

But these last few weeks…they’ve been rich.

Rich in family time, getting plugged into a new church, peaceful walks around the neighborhood, owl watching, paying off heaps of student loans (finally), hearing thunderstorms again, and making caprese with basil from my mom’s garden and tomatoes and mozzarella from the farmer’s market.

There’s one piece of richness, in particular, that I want to center today’s blog around. It’s a quote from the renowned missionary, author, and speaker, Elisabeth Elliot (1926-2015).

The first time I ever heard about Elisabeth Elliot was in my high school Bible class. There was a movie that we watched every year—End of the Spear—that was based on a true story about five missionaries who attempted to share the good news of Jesus with those who had never heard it before: the Auca people of eastern Ecuador.

But on a Sunday morning in January of 1956—just two days after making successful contact with the members of the Waodani tribe—the tribesmen returned with spears. They attacked and killed all five missionaries: Roger Youderian, Pete Fleming, Jim Elliot, Nate Saint, and Ed McCully.

One of the missionaries was Elisabeth’s first husband, Jim Elliot, pictured above.

And just when you think Elisabeth’s life has been shattered into a million tiny pieces (she was now a 29-year-old widow with a newborn baby girl)…

She did what Jesus would have done if he were her: she learned the Huao language, traveled into the jungle to live with the Waodani people, and spent two years sharing the gospel with the very people who took her husband’s life.

When I stop and think about this, I’m struck by this woman’s selflessness and strength; her faith and forgiveness. She didn’t let bitterness, sorrow, or resentment kill the purpose God had placed over her life. She turned a horrific circumstance into something fruitful. And in doing so, brought several of the tribespeople to Christ.

Lucky for us, she shared her secret on how she was able to do this…

She reveals, “The secret is Christ in me, not me in another set of circumstances.”

Okay, but what does that mean?

When Elliot says “secret,” she’s referring to the endless list of things that are impossible for us humans to achieve on our own. Things like strength, selflessness, faith, and forgiveness.

When you look at it in this light, what she’s really saying is…

The secret to my strength is Christ in me.

The secret to my selflessness is Christ in me.

The secret to my faith is Christ in me.

The secret to my forgiveness is Christ in me.

How incredibly reassuring is this? To have your secret be in Christ and not the things of this world.

That joy that you’re searching for? It’s in Christ.

That full-body peace? It’s in Christ.

That security and contentment? It’s in Christ.

And in a world that conditions you to believe that joy, peace, and contentment come from climbing a corporate ladder, buying material items, and finding “the one”…it can be hard to fully grasp this.

What the world conditions us to believe will bring us joy, peace, and contentment…

A scroll through Instagram or a stroll through the “self-help” aisle at Barnes & Noble will tell you that all sorts of things can bring you happiness. Things like…

• The perfect job (it doesn’t exist)

• The perfect family (also doesn’t exist)

• An HGTV-esque home

• A 12-step morning routine

• A bunch of money in the bank

• Living in a cooler, trendier city

• Galavanting around Europe for the summer

• A get-rich-quick scheme that promises $10K a month—in just 4 hours per week!

The thing is…these things may feel fulfilling in the moment.

But the feeling quickly fades—until you’re left feeling more drained, depressed, and anxious than you were before that thing.

It’s the whole “grass is greener on the other side” mentality.

But the grass isn’t greener on the other side…Satan just wants you to think that it is. Because when you think that the grass is greener on the other side, you’re never fully bought in on where God has you right now. You’re itching for the next thing. And joy, peace, and contentment go out the window.

Here's what happened when I pursued my next set of circumstances instead of Christ…

As of this writing, I’m 27 years old. And for nearly three decades, I have put more energy into pursuing a new “set of circumstances” than I have pursuing Jesus.

I’ve spent years of my life pursuing the perfect job (I had six different jobs within one year of graduating college)…the perfect city (I’ve moved back and forth from Kansas to California four times in six years)…the perfect side hustle (I’ve started—and ended—five different side hustles since 2019). 

It’s no wonder I woke up every morning with elephant-sized anxiety sitting on my chest…

Or why I spent so many nights lying on my bathroom floor sobbing, fantasizing about the peace I would feel by ending my life…

Or why my identity was dependent on the “circumstance” I was in at the time: the super fast track girl in 2012-15; the cool party girl in 2015-17; the CBD girl in 2019; the wannabe online business coach in 2020; the newly married wife in 2021; the sustainability girly in 2022-23.

And now, in 2024, I finally cling to the only identity that’s real: a Christ-follower, who has been called into ministry and writing.

So the question is…

Why are we so prone to pursuing another set of circumstances over Jesus?

Plain and simple. We’ve bought into the cultural status quo of our 21st century: individualism.

A quick look at the dictionary tells us that individualism is “the habit or principle of being independent and self-reliant.”

“Caroline” may as well be a synonym for this word…because being independent and self-reliant is exactly how I lived my life for so many years.

It’s no wonder I felt anxious, depressed, and utterly exhausted all the time.

I was relying on my weak, measly, shortsighted self instead of a God who saves, breaks chains, and performs miracles.

Individualism tricked me into thinking that I had control over my life. And on the days where I lost that control…I bought into the worst lie of all: that life isn’t worth living.

The Bible makes one thing crystal clear about life on earth: it’s HARD, and there WILL be suffering (John 16:33).

But if we lean on the Lord for strength, we can get through any valley. Because…

“The secret is Christ in me, not me in another set of circumstances.”

Some scripture to meditate on…

This quote from Elisabeth Elliot is basically the spark notes version of what Paul tells us in Philippians 4. In his letter to the church of Philippi, he says…

“For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

So, my prayer for you today is that you may know where your joy, peace, and strength come from: Jesus.

And where they don’t come from: you or your circumstances.

The more we meditate on this, the more we’ll believe it. The more we believe it, the more calm and joyful we will be.

Have a good week, my friends ♡

Your fellow sister & friend,

Caroline