To My Sister-in-Law: Here Are 5 Things I Wish I Knew When Graduating College
To my sweet sister-in-law, Savanna Joy Nicks ♡
Your brother and I are currently road tripping to Nashville to attend your college graduation at Belmont tomorrow. That said, I’ve been reflecting a lot on this chapter of your life…
The closing of your college chapter, and the opening of a chapter that looks a lot like finding your footing in the world, paying your own bills, solidifying your values, meeting your future husband, and so many more exciting things.
Jordan and I graduated college five years ago already. And thankfully, the Lord has taught us a thing or two in the last half-decade. So I had the idea of writing a blog for you…one that I wish someone would have written me back in 2019.
So…Miss 2024 College Graduate, this one’s for you ♡
Here are five things that I really wish I knew when graduating college…
(Side Note: You are already so wise beyond your years, so I pray that these would simply serve as encouraging reminders as you navigate post-grad life.)
Seek His Kingdom first.
Before anything else, seek God’s kingdom. His holy, eternal kingdom.
This is a daily decision that has to be made before you even roll out of bed in the morning. And it’s something you’ll have to remind yourself of over and over again.
Looking back at my 21-year-old self, the last thing I did was seek Jesus first…
I had just graduated with a job that paid $2,000 a month. I’d moved into some random girl’s apartment in an unfamiliar city. And I still had NO idea what I wanted to do with my life.
Adulting anxiety took over, and Jesus quickly slid to 10th on my list of priorities. My job, next paycheck, passion project, and boyfriend came first.
It’s no wonder I felt so anxious, depressed, and “behind” all the time…
I was putting all of my time and energy into building little earthly kingdoms! Kingdoms that would pass away in the blink of an eye. Kingdoms that hold no eternal value. Kingdoms that could never satisfy the desires of my heart.
Praise the Lord that Jesus wants more for us.
Jesus knew we would be distracted by the worries of this world. That’s why he gives us a clear directive to “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things [what you will eat, drink, and wear] will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33-34).
So, whenever worry starts to creep up, Savanna—about what the next year will look like, about how you’ll pay rent, about the cost of living—take a deep, centering breath and seek His Kingdom.
This looks like meditating on scripture daily, praying like you mean it, worshipping from the heart, trusting in the plan He has for you, and relying on Jesus for your every need.
He takes care of the birds and the flowers. He will take care of you, too.
Apart from this, one of the best ways you can cultivate a “kingdom-first” posture is to…
2. Make thankfulness your default.
Thankfulness may just be the greatest antidote we have for worry, anxiety, despair…you name it.
And of course, God knew that a thankful heart would serve us well. That’s why Paul reminds us in 1 Thessalonians to: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
But since we’re humans living in a fallen world, thankfulness isn’t always our default.
The Lie that the world tells us is that it’s okay to throw a pity party if things don’t go our way.
If someone cuts you off on the freeway, flip them off. If a coworker is short with you, be short with them. If things don’t happen in “your” timing, give up.
When we give this kind of power to our circumstances, Satan rejoices. He loves when we wallow in frustration, anxiety, hopelessness, or [insert negative emotion].
But this isn’t how Jesus called us to live…
Paul makes this clear in Philippians 4:
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
So how can thankfulness become our default?
Well, just like praying, praising, and reading your Bible…it’s a discipline. It needs to be cultivated over time.
One of the best ways we can cultivate gratitude is by re-routing our thoughts to whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8).
When you think about these things—rather than what’s wrong with yourself, your family, or the world around you—you are creating a sound mind and thankful heart.
3. You are not behind.
It’s funny how when you’re 21, you think you’re short on time.
This fear had a firm grasp on me for most of my 20s.
And when you’re listening to the world, it makes sense…
The world says that we die when we take our final breath.
Jesus says that as soon as we put our faith in Him, we have eternal life (John 5: 24).
The world says we should spend our life striving after money and a successful career.
The Bible says we should spend our days meditating on scripture and spreading the gospel (Psalm 1:1-3, Mark 16:15).
The world says to store up treasures on earth: money, things, and fancy titles.
The Bible says to store up treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal (Matthew 6: 20).
The truth is that you are not behind—you are exactly where you need to be.
God’s plan for your life cannot be expedited. Life happens one day at a time, because that’s all us humans can manage. So you may as well as…
4. Stop shoulding yourself.
Full disclosure: Jordan hates this saying, but I think it’s clever :)
Until recently, I was constantly falling into the trap of “shoulding” myself, thinking…
I should be making six figures by the time I’m 25.
I shouldn’t have to live with my parents as a 27-year-old (who’s married!).
I should own a house by now.
These shoulds kept me in a chronic state of guilt, anxiety, and self doubt for years.
It’s amazing how much power this one word holds…
When you’re constantly thinking about what you “should” be doing, saying, or feeling—or even what other people should be doing, saying, or feeling—you end up putting loads of pressure on yourself and others.
And the sneaky lie you’re buying into is, “I’m not good enough.” (And when it comes to shoulding on friends, family, coworkers, or even complete strangers, you’re ultimately saying that they’re not good enough, either.)
The good news is that we can reframe our shoulds in a much more positive light…
Maybe your shoulds look something like…I should publish a poetry book by 25. I should meet my husband before [insert age]. I should be traveling more.
To reframe these, you can say…
“My goal is to publish a poetry book in my 20s, so today I’ll focus on writing a few lines in my journal and spending 15 minutes in quiet reflection.”
“I’m excited to meet the man God picked out for me. Until then, I’ll pray for him daily and focus on being the type of Proverbs 31 woman that my future husband will be looking for.”
“I love traveling to new places. Until my next trip, I’ll focus on going to work and putting [insert dollar amount] in my travel fund each week.”
Moral of the story: Free yourself from the shoulds! They don’t get you any closer to your goals. Instead, they only add pressure—while also making you feel anxious, behind, and not good enough.
5. Your career isn’t your identity.
I grew up in a home where one’s career was their entire identity—and where their salary determined their worth…
Much of our western world lives like this, but it isn’t conducive to how Jesus called us to live.
A quote that I wrote down a few years ago is this: I’m not a writer who’s a Christian. I’m a Christ follower who was CALLED into writing.
Translation: Make Christ your identity—and your skillset your calling. (Rather than the other way around.)
Because the thing is…if we were to make our skillset/job/passion our identity, then we’d be tempted to start loving the gift rather than the giver of the gift.
So whenever you’re tempted to make songwriting, poetry, or your enneagram number your identity, reset back to the truth that you are a Christ follower first.
Those are just five small pieces of wisdom that you can take into this next chapter of life…
Seek His Kingdom first.
Make thankfulness your default.
You are not behind.
Stop shoulding yourself.
Your career isn’t your identity.
And now…it’s time to celebrate!
I love you lil sis. And I’m so excited to keep hearing and seeing how God uses you for His Kingdom.
Now go get that diploma!
♡ Caroline